So I am half way through summer school. Have to say that I am having a hard time. My business class is very frustrating, As someone who has not yet worked as a professional photographer, trying to create business plans and other relevant documents is proving both difficult and frustrating. On the other hand, my Fine Art class is going quite well. Trace is one of the best teachers I have had to date. She always works at driving the discussions, adding relative links to articles and I love her feedback. Only 5 more modules... roughly 2 and a half weeks.
So for last week's module, I created one of the most beautiful images I have created to date. After shooting today I realized that the blue line on the left half was due to not opening the f-stop enough, which is fine, I can fix that in PS. However my instructor, who I think is probably one of the best that I have had while at the Academy wants me to start adding more narrative. She did say how much my work has progressed in the space of one semester with the use of both natural and studio light which is great. However I am so frustrated! I just got to the point where I finally feel like I am creating meaningful and beautiful work and she wants more. Not to mention that I just submitted a thesis redirect proposal for the new direction my work has gone and the changes I have made and it got approved. I want the piece to express the lingering feelings of depression and what it means to be guarded due to past failed relationships. I get it, I do. But the fact is that in such a small space, adding more narrative through props, etc. becomes redundant. I tried adding wine bottles, flowers, etc. and it looks contrived. It looks like crap. Highs and lows people... Highs and lows. Guess it is back to the drawing board.
So seeing as my thesis has changed since I presented at my Midpoint Review, which is very common as the idea develops, evolves and progresses, I had to submit a thesis redirection form to the committee for approval of all changes. I was really nervous. Submitting things to the committee always makes me nervous! However I found out today that is was approved and I realized that I need to stop being so nervous and more confident in myself and my artistic voice. I realize that school for me has been a huge learning curve and has pushed me tremendously but that I am learning to eloquently speak about the meanings and importance behind the work which makes me feel accomplished and that I am on my way to becoming a successful fine art photographer.
So i haven't posted anything in quite a long while. Most due to the fact that I didn't feel that I had anything to say. However I am pleased to say that my thesis project is progressing nicely. After my midpoint review, I wasn't sure that I could push the project further. I worked so hard and stressed out so much and in the end made beautiful images that I was so proud of. Yet how I could push them even further and give more of myself emotionally seemed the impossible. Yet six months in and that is what I am doing. I am proud of myself today despite all the setbacks because I am starting to create meaningful pieces that I see as beautiful and at the end of the day that is really all that matters. Well... that and graduating! #proud #fineart #hardwork
One of my fellow classmates today asked me if I was homesick. I realized that they were feeling a bit down. I on the other hand thought I hadn't been here long enough ( only a month) to truly miss anyone. Yet seeing that they were and wanting to empathize, I remembered the first time I traveled abroad for the first time, not to mention by myself. It was for a month. Never having traveled alone before, I didn't think anything of it. Four weeks, thirty days, it's nothing. Well it isn't. Not at first. Especially those who spend the majority of their time/lives surrounded by other people. That is not to say that it is a bad thing, it just makes solo travel a bit harder when you are also dealing with separation anxiety. To be honest, had I not traveled to Italy 3 years ago (almost) for the first time by myself, I don't know if I could handle a year here by myself. Somedays the only speaking I do is to order food. There are a few friends, but time is spent in a few hours, here or there every other week. For the most part it is you, I think that is the thing people have the hardest time with... Being alone with themselves, To be honest I am almost fearful that I am too comfortable with my own company. Though I am trying very hard in order to learn the language so that I can more fully integrate myself into Italian life. For now I will stick to what I know and love: Cibo!
So I happened to have arrived in Florence yesterday, but due to the worst case of jet lag I have yet to experience, I put of writing until today. I am looking forward to discovering Florence. I have a special area of Rome that I know quite well, but seeing as I am lucky enough to be living here over the next year, I want to find my special place in Florence. The whole idea of living here is very surreal, however major technological issues, such as phone and internet prove that indeed I am in a completely different country. However, I feel even more connected to myself without all of the technology. I no longer walk around with headphones in trying to detach myself from where I am. Instead I observe everything, scents, sounds, architecture and people. I do get quite the curious looks, but I guess a pale woman with reddish blonde hair and blue eyes would. Though I am completely okay with that. My Italian is mediocre at best, though I plan on being fluent by summer. I feel when I am overhearing a conversation that there is some kind of inside joke that I am not being let in on. I need to be fluent! In the meantime, more vino and pasta! Those are the other two languages I speak frequently!